existentialist crisis

1.Existentialist paradise….

A chimera an illusion
A diversion from the
Misery of your existence
A place to be imagined
Based on your perceived
Sense of pleasure

You try to free yourself
From the clutches of life
You try to break away
The walls that restricts you
Where relations kinsmen
Are no longer required
Where you can massage
Your body and your egos

Where you move from
One dull, listless, meaningless life
To a happening, fascinating
And a meaningless life
Where no other can gaze you
And make you feel small
For Paradise is a place
Where you fetishize on your own
Where you are full of, fed with
Different versions of commodities
And you end up being
Another version of commodity

Where you finally stop making
Sense of the world and realize
That the whole world
Is a place very futile
And you no longer care
Because you are fetishized
By the fetish itself.


2. Life is what life does

life is a mirage
a labyrinth an illusion
the whole purpose of existence
is to find a purpose of existence
to live with an identity
that is not mine
life is a ring
and you are thrown into it
you run, you slip
you growl and you kick
you cry and you shout
and learn all this while
how actually to fight
life is the dew the mist
and the fog
that blurs your vision
so that you can’t see
that everything is futile
life is a trap of a better tomorrow
or nostalgic remembrance of the dead-decayed past
life is the false hope
that you are alive
life is the fear of death
that keeps you awake
life is the creepy realization
of your mundane existence
life is what life does
nothing at all
nothing at all!!
3. Oppressed by  me….
I am oppressed
In every nook and corner
Through my very nature
Through my very existence
And I can’t cry alas
For I have internalized my oppression
I can’t complain oh god
For it is part of my being
I am not what I think I am
And I can’t complain
For I am my own oppressor
I am harassed
Whenever I try to exist
Beyond the shadows of
The existence bestowed on me
I am harassed
When I refuse
To condition according to
The need of society
When I gaze the
Gaze of patriarchy
When I revolt against the
Visible vestiges of my privilege
When I try to stop being
Fetish for someone else
Then I am devoid of
My own identity
The cloak of my perceived self
Masquerading the real me
Is snatched away from me
And I can’t do anything
For I am no longer me….
4. Slave of mine, master of mine….
the dialectic of consciousness
the labyrinth of existence
the crisis that unfolds
the mystery never resolves
my name- oh its not mine
someone named me and i am fine
why was i born- oh i don’t know
my parents took the decision
and i am the byproduct
now i want an identity
oh the society gave me many
my name, religion, caste, class, creed
language to articulate all emotions
a brigade of kinsmen and relations
i never knew who am i really
a reality, a consciousness
a dream, chimera, fantasy
a robot with a heart and mind
an animal with an erected spine
a phantom, a particle, an atom, a mole
a sperm, a cell, plasma, none of all
not energy, nor ray, nor wave or quantum
many identities i have
but none of my owni am not the stone that you can throw at will
nor am i the chestnut fruit
that falls now and then
i am the slave of mine
and the master of perceived
identity of mine
in between these two extremes
somewhere lies my existence

i asked, asked, asked and asked
i asked my present
and look into the past
my life is mess and i don’t know why
may be because i don’t know who am i

5. I am dead but I can’t die…..
death is the realization
that something in you
was alive till now
death comes with an assumption
that your existence was real
and not a mere facade
thousand deaths i die
in my heart every day
my wisdom is in comatose
my emotions paralyzed
my senses seem to be mere illusion
i am dead but i can’t die
to bear the brunt of my existence
i am still alive
to live not once
and die innumerable times
i am still alive
no hope no reason to live
but i am still alive
i am dead for me
but for the world
i am still alivei have the obligation to live
but not the right to die
my senses seem to be mere illusion
i am dead but i can’t die